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What can I say about today... It was a beautiful service for my dad... and tons of people came to wish us all well and to say nice things about him. It was a time of happy remembrances and visiting with family and friends. Internment was with military honors, and was just fabulous.
I have never heard "Taps" played more eloquently.

I had not planned on speaking at my father's service.... but my name was put on the program, and so I did, as well as "singing" the traditional Irish Blessing. I had sang it to my father when he was so sick, and he told me he loved it...
and so it was with great honor that I sang it again today...

*photos by Elaine A. Russell

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"...to everything there is a season"... and often quoted bible verse... brought to mind as it will be recited at my father's memorial service tomorrow. I thought about this all day today as my mother and I were taking our daily drive in the countryside... evidence of summer life all around us, even as the sadness of death has been weighing on our hearts...

...and so on it goes...



(photos by Elaine A. Russell)

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Today we drove in the countryside and saw this...

and this....

and this... and I just couldn't get enough of nature's beauty today.....


(all photos by Elaine A. Russell)



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Today was filled with the fine details of the memorial service... arranging songs and verses and such in order for a program to be printed, ordering and paying for the flowers, and gathering photos for a video that is being made by the funeral home as a service for the family. It is frustrating... because certain photos we had wanted to include... we just can't seem to find copies of.
In 2005, I had made a point of copying all sorts of family photos that belonged to my parents, and also of my sister's family... and arranged all the photos into boxes at my parent's house. Copies were made and distributed to various family members. It was a huge expense at the time... but well worth it.
Somehow in the interim however... things have gotten wonky and mixed up.
Such is life I suppose... but it is annoying when you are looking for something in particular.
One of the things I hope to do over the course of this coming year, is to (once and for all) get all my photos onto digital files. I have tons and tons... and sorely need to get them organized. Times like this remind me how important it is to me to have photos such as these readily available if they are needed/wanted.


In other news... we went on our daily drive today... and explored some of the county back roads. We saw lovely fields, cows, pigs, sheep, horses.....lots of farmland... we even stopped at a roadside stand and got fresh tomatoes and cucumbers which we ate for dinner.
The photos for today's post are from this drive...

*photos by Elaine A. Russell

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(you can click on this photo; and see it larger )


I've heard the phrase..."God never gives you more than you can handle..."... and yet, I have to wonder. My mother is devastated. I have seen grief... in so many different forms and stages over the years... as a nurse.... as a family member.... as a friend.... I have seen so very much of death in the past.
Some people handle it with quiet resolution, others anger... but with my mom; the tears just keep coming... shaking with sobs... unable to calm herself... unable to eat... unable to sleep. She has always been a nervous/ anxious/ restless personality.... but this... there is no fixing this. I feel so helpless.

And I seem to be at the opposite end of the spectrum... missing my father... and yet... relieved that he is no longer in pain... satisfied in the knowledge that I will see him again some day.
I believe that she feels that way too... it's just that her way of showing emotion is so very different than mine. Neither way is better... neither way is worse. It just is.

I mention this only because it was casually mentioned to me that I must not care or some such... because I was not falling apart with grief.
Needless to say, I know this to be far from the truth.

Today; after we had appointments making preparations for services on Friday... I took my mom to eat at a local burger shack type place. The owners are friends of my parents, and it was nice to visit with them. We got to talking about cars... and the owner went and got his 1959 Thunderbird to show me. He is only the 2nd owner... and the car has only 62,000 miles on it. Pristine! Gorgeous! Classic!

And I thought of my dad... who soooooooo loved vintage cars... and could feel him smiling...


*photos by Elaine A. Russell

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The logistics of things when a loved one passes away are interesting. There are so many little details that need taken care of... and yet, for most people; it is a time when the last thing they can realistically do is to make any kind of decision.
It's just too much.

Fortunately, my parents were open to these kind of discussions several months ago.. and we were able to "flesh out" some of the little things... what songs they like... what kind of service they like... what kind of headstone... where the burial plots are... cremation... memorial services... we even talked about flowers and places for people to make donations should they want to. We talked about dispensation of personal belongings.. and so much more. It was difficult... but at the same time... I can't imagine trying to make some of the decisions we have been faced with these past couple of days... if we had not had that kind of input from my father.

And so... this week is filled with those kind of tasks.... writing of obituaries, selection of songs/ verses/ and the formalities of memorial services... etc. The phone has been ringing almost constantly with the well wishes of family and friends... people whose lives have been touched by the kindness and generosity of spirit that my dad showed to everyone he met.

I have been trying to take my mom on a short drive daily... just to get her out of the house and away from some of the chaos and such. Today we drove a little around town, and happened to stop at a local church garden to see the flowers. The photos for today's post are from that garden.

When I saw the bee in the top photo... I was devastated because I thought he was dead. He was so big and round and perfectly adorable-- and I was crushed to think of one more being dying right now. And so... I gently touched him... and was surprised when he sat up and started to climb up the lens of my camera.
I am not sure if bees dream... but this little guy sure was taking a little siesta amongst the zinnias :)


*photos by Elaine A. Russell

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--->photo by Elaine A. Russell; taken somewhere in Ohio...


I am at my mother's house... having arrived right around 11pm.
It has been a long day of driving... well... several days...
but I am here... and I am heading to bed.


About the photo for today: I have been doing some "serious" driving these past few days... not taking time to stop a whole lot. So... most of the pictures I have taken (and very few at that)... were taken as random shots out of the car window. It is interesting to see what happens when you literally are taking a blind aim and hoping that you get a shot. I'm not sure why the colors are a little wonky on this one (could be because of the window tinting)... but I love the way it turned out.

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--->photos by Elaine A. Russell


... short on words tonight...
...I saw lots of construction... the temp was up to 99 degrees at one point...
I only made one wrong turn....
and passed a really horrible car wreck tonight...
I also saw lots of sunshine... tons of fields and tons of GREEN!...
stopped in briefly at my favorite antique mall...
and am now in for the night.


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Well... my family's hesitation was well founded. Around midnight, my mom called with the tearful news that my father had just passed away. Having been restless and in pain earlier in the afternoon... it was a relief when ... during the course of the evening, he became much more peaceful and was able to rest. The profound love between my parents was evident as he gazed at my mother whilst taking his last breath...

After notifying family on my mother's behalf... and after talking with my mom... I got a few hours of sleep before getting up again this am. I tried to leave early... and get as far as I could in my travels today. And now I am "in" for the night... somewhere in Oklahoma.

I am traveling with my beloved Sabrina... and she seems to be enjoying the ride. This is my 4th trip cross country in the past 12 months... and although I should be familiar with the road... I can't keep my mind on it.

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--->photo by Elaine A. Russell

Sometimes the best laid plans... still go awry... and you get "benched." Today I was met with challenge after challenge... until... with much encouragement from the hubby and the daughter... I just gave up on leaving for PA for today.

No matter what I did... it just wouldn't/ couldn't/ didn't pan out the way it was supposed to. I finally came to the conclusion that this just wasn't my day to travel. And so... the jeep is packed... the house is clean... the laundry is caught up... and I will try again tomorrow.

I have been in daily contact with my mom... and the reality is that I may not make it back to PA before my father passes away. That said... my dad and I have had several conversations about this very thing... and I feel comfortable in the knowledge that he knows how very much I love him... and knows it is OK to let go. I do however, want to be there to help my mom as much as possible when that time comes.. and so it was with great frustration today that I just couldn't get it together.

Some days are like that... and I have to believe that there was a reason for it.

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--->photo by Elaine A. Russell

...all day long I have felt like I was treading water... moving slowly thru mud or some such... unable to move with any kind of fluidity... or control... or purpose. I have so very much to do... and so many things I feel like I should do before heading out on another trip... and yet... I can't afford the time. Things just have to be left the way they are.

About my photo for today's post: Today I got the Jeep checked... fluids, tires, etc.... and took it thru the car wash. This photo is actually of the one rinse cycle, as seen from the inside of the vehicle. I saturated and added some color to it... but otherwise... it is straight out of the camera.

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Today I had an awesome day just hanging out with a friend. We went out for lunch... did a little shopping... but mainly just visited. It has been a rough year for me... and I think it is about to get even more interesting.

This whole summer has been sort of a "hurry up and wait" type of scenario.... always anticipating another trip back to PA... and so not getting too involved... not getting too comfortable... not starting (or finishing really) any projects because of potential interruptions... etc. It has sort of been like living in limbo.

It's been rather silly in a way... no one knows how many tomorrows you may have... and to wait for some magical time when you anticipate free time to work on things is rediculous. But there it is... and there I was.... not working on things because I was either too depressed... too sick... too anxious.... or waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop when I would have to go again.

My father has been home from the hospital for 16 days I think... if I have counted right... and I have been asked to come. My father has been irritable... anxious... in alot of pain... and helpless to do anything for himself. My mom, though she has tried her best... and done quite well... is at the point where she wants/needs my help... and so I will go.

Tomorrow I will try to get the Jeep checked over to make sure it is "road ready".... get some stuff together.... get things finished up as much as I can before I head out on another cross-country trip.
I feel like I should have been more prepared for this moment... especially what with anticipating it for several weeks now... and yet... I am not.

--->photos by Elaine A. Russell

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Life itself can be so unpredictable. My mother has told me to wait on coming back to PA... my dad seems to be declining... but at a fairly steady, slow, pace. He is getting pain medicine almost hourly... and so far, it is helping.
She feels she will need me more later on...

My hubby came home late yesterday from his travels, and then did a 12hr work day today... he is exhausted.

My sleep schedule is completely whack... what with concern over family and such... and I seem to be in a very unproductive phase right now... scattered... restless... anxious.

I mention this only to highlight the fact that I was awake to see the sunrise this am... something that is a rarity for me. I was wandering about the yard... taking some photos of the sky and the light... when this glorious hummingbird came within about 2 feet of my face.

I had been standing near a yucca plant... contemplating life... death... illness... When this little hummer came to me and just stared at me... looking right into my eyes.... then hovered slightly in the sky... and took off.

I had my camera in hand... but was so startled at his appearance... that I only snapped 2 quick shots before he left (and one is a total wash). Tonight, upon looking up info on hummers as totem animals... I read that many cultures view the hummingbird as a symbol of resurrection --
"This is because each hummer becomes lifeless and seems to die on cold nights, but it comes back to life again when the miraculous sunrise brings warmth. "

How appropriate ... indeed.

*photos by Elaine A. Russell

~~~

To see more on Hummingbirds as totem animals...

Look HERE

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--->photo by Elaine A. Russell


It's Friday the 13th... and I am not a superstitious person.... but I know people who are.
Having a black cat cross your path, walking under ladders, breaking mirrors, knocking three times, stepping on cracks in a sidewalk, throwing salt over your shoulder, crossing your fingers, opening umbrellas inside the house... all interesting motions considered unlucky... and even perhaps deadly.... but at least foolhardy and dangerous.

I learned palm reading and tea leaf reading at a very early age... and am told... was quite good at it. I had prophetic dreams... intuitions... the list went on. So... this is not a foreign world to me.

And so ... on Friday the 13th.... I wanted to do something a bit "paranormal" so to speak.
For me personally... today was a great day as my hubby came home from his travels.... but I am really tired... and heading off to bed early.
BUT... not before I include a couple of links on the history of Friday the 13th...


Wiki...
Urban Legends...
How Stuff Works website...

...and check out the gorgeous moon tonight!!!

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Late last evening, I realized that I hadn't taken my photo for the day yet. I had gotten sucked into listing things on Freecycle, and doing some odd stuff around the house... and I got side-tracked. Such is life sometimes.
And so... around 11:30pm... the daughter and I headed out to see what we could see... and to catch a photo. We ended up having a great time... and actually got photos for (technically) last night and today.
I have been working this week on my night-time photography skills (or lack thereof )..... so it was a good lesson for me. I am also coming up on my one-year anniversary of having just the Kodak point and shoot camera... and this whole year has been quite amazing in terms of my growth as a photographer... it is really quite exciting.





***all photos by Elaine A. Russell

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...................................................photo by Elaine A. Russell


Often, I am given to very vivid dreams. As a kid... it was very disturbing. Now it seems to be sort of a running joke with my hubby and myself.

Last night I dreamt about a person from back in PA. ... well known and well loved. He was a physician most all of his life... caring for almost everyone in the County as far as I could tell. A General Physician... now, basically an unheard of occupation in today's world of specializing and compartmentalizing. He was a doctor for so many years... he delivered children and grandchildren ... all in the same families. ... as well as helping so many pass on with comfort and dignity.

Compassionate... as he suffered so many personal losses as well. Knowledgeable... diagnosing so may people long before the aids of technology we have now. Giving... active in his community, church... and so many charitable organizations. A family man, husband --father -- grandfather.

I think of his wife ... also known and loved throughout the community. Now, caring for him; as well as herself in these past few years... plagued by illness. It is a sad thing. And yet, I can't help but marvel at all the good these people have done over the years. How many lives they have changed.... how much grace and love they have shown.

Growing up in a small town definitely had it's positives.... one being... getting to know marvelously good people such as these. Integrity, honesty, compassion, a strong work ethic, giving back to your community, loving and caring for family, living lives of faith and hope... all lessons learned when looking at the lives of people such as this.

Bless you... Dr and Mrs....

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--->photos by Elaine A. Russell


When I was back in PA... I was hard pressed to find time to take my photo for the day sometimes. One afternoon... I had about 15 minutes... and decided to walk up some of the alleyways behind the stores in town. This vintage fusball table, was amongst the rubble in one alley.

I loved it... and tried to take a quick photo or two that I could work on later. Today... I played around a little with them in Picnik... and I like the way they turned out.
I have always been drawn to the used and the discarded... perhaps it is the recylcer in me... or perhaps some weird quirk related to my gypsy heritage... but I love to work with materials that have been cast off. It is invigorating to try and make something out of an object that someone no longer wanted.
I find that as I am going thru my stuff in the garage... that the bulk of it is recycled material.
And it is good.

~~~



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Yesterday I had a great time visiting with a friend... and got to look at some artwork she is working on. Fabulous! Stuff like this makes me more motivated to get my studio space organized so that I can get back to working again.

I've also been reading more as of late... probably because I haven't been sleeping well at night again... and reading is something I can do in the quiet of the night without disturbing anyone else in the house.

Last night, I took Sabrina on her nightly walk around the neighborhood... and took some photos. It is an interesting thing to try to take photos with a simple point and shoot at night... but I am learning some techniques to use with it to make the photos come out a little better.

--->photos by Elaine A. Russell


Here are some tips for taking photos at night:

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I miss having my own mailbox. I know it seems to be a stupid thing... but I remember ... quite fondly, in fact.... having the mail person come up to the porch... say hello.... put your mail in the box and take any mail you may have to go out.
There are alot of communities across the nation that I suppose still have more personal service such as this... but not here in ABQ. In fact, we are not allowed to have an individual mailbox in our neighborhood... just these impersonal large metal boxes on each street for that particular grouping of houses.

I have done alot of mailing these past 10yrs ... selling on Ebay since 98, and on Etsy since 07... and I am always reminded of how complicated things have become within the whole mailing world. Labels, restrictions, packaging rules... it's all quite alot really. I completely understand how things have evolved this way; and I'm not saying it could be any better than it is... it can just be frustrating. Course... equally frustrating is the many, many people in line who don't really know what they are doing.

One of the things my local post office has done is have these machines installed -- which you can use 24/7 ... and allow you to print off your own postage and such. It is awesome... and really saves me alot of time ... because I can go to my post office during off hours; use the machines, and be out in no time.

--->photos by Elaine A. Russell

About my photos for today's post: I took these photos today near the house of a close friend. I love vintage cars & trucks... and they can be so much fun to photograph. These photos are essentially untouched... just a little soft focus on the edges, and a little tweaking of the colors.
What do the photos have to do with my post? Nothing really... except that the photos; like my memories... remind me of a somewhat simpler time. Guess I was a little nostalgic today...