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(you can click on this photo; and see it larger )

I've heard the phrase..."God never gives you more than you can handle..."... and yet, I have to wonder. My mother is devastated. I have seen grief... in so many different forms and stages over the years... as a nurse.... as a family member.... as a friend.... I have seen so very much of death in the past.
Some people handle it with quiet resolution, others anger... but with my mom; the tears just keep coming... shaking with sobs... unable to calm herself... unable to eat... unable to sleep. She has always been a nervous/ anxious/ restless personality.... but this... there is no fixing this. I feel so helpless.

And I seem to be at the opposite end of the spectrum... missing my father... and yet... relieved that he is no longer in pain... satisfied in the knowledge that I will see him again some day.
I believe that she feels that way too... it's just that her way of showing emotion is so very different than mine. Neither way is better... neither way is worse. It just is.

I mention this only because it was casually mentioned to me that I must not care or some such... because I was not falling apart with grief.
Needless to say, I know this to be far from the truth.

Today; after we had appointments making preparations for services on Friday... I took my mom to eat at a local burger shack type place. The owners are friends of my parents, and it was nice to visit with them. We got to talking about cars... and the owner went and got his 1959 Thunderbird to show me. He is only the 2nd owner... and the car has only 62,000 miles on it. Pristine! Gorgeous! Classic!

And I thought of my dad... who soooooooo loved vintage cars... and could feel him smiling...

*photos by Elaine A. Russell

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Another long sleepless night. I am beginning to think I am cursed... well... not really. But you know what I mean. Around 5am, the daughter and I headed out to Satellite for a steaming cuppa... did you know they open at 5:30am? Eeeeeegads that is early. However, the coffee was hot and fresh... and the company was awesome. I also noticed that they have local artwork on the walls by Alexandra Gjurasic. Alexandra was one of the fabulous artists featured at the Chinese New Year show in 2009... right before I left the Wooden Cow Gallery and Art Space. She does fabulous stuff... and you can see more of it HERE...

From there we went to KrispyKreme ... who has THE BEST glazed doughnuts ever... and discovered that they have the coolest couches in their cafe areas (I'm told they just got them a couple weeks ago). We drove home, and watched the sun rise up over the Sandias on the way.... it was awesome.

I love my bed. A couple years ago... the hubby and I splurged on a TempurPedic wonder. While it took us forever to pay it off.... it has been well worth it. Handmade quilts.... flannel sheets... it is a wondrous thing to behold. Not to mention ... sweet, loving Sabrina..... (and my dear hubby of course)

I have been having a conflict with a loved one. I won't detail it more... because it is a delicate and personal matter... but I felt that I owed my readership an explanation of sorts as to why things have been a bit wonky around here. It is a horrible and tragic thing.... to love and care for someone and not be able to do a dang thing about the tension and stress of a crappy situation. It's hard to love someone for a long time... and have things fall apart ... especially over what seems to be trivia in the whole scheme of things.

But. I am ever hopeful. Ever optimistic. This morning as I was getting ready to try to sleep... there were tons of rainbows flitting about my bedroom. I have long had the habit of hanging crystals and beads and things from my curtain rods... and today I was swarmed with the bright lights and glitterati... it was fabulous... and hopefully... a sign of good things to come...

**photos by Elaine A. Russell

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Today was a busy day. I am still trying to recover from the bronchitis... and so every thing I try to do wears me out more than it should. But alas. I got my hair cut and colored at the mall... and saw this gorgeous rainbow on the way there. I also went with my daughter to Savers... and got some awesome deals... and some kick butt boots!!! that I love.
For (a very late) dinner... we went to India Palace on the westside... which is simply awesome. The people there were incredibly nice... and the food was delicious... beyond words.... fabulous. I can't recommend them enough... (7 different kinds of Naan bread! chutneys... tandori chicken...simosa... nom, nom, nom)


--------->photos by Elaine A. Russell

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----------------------------------photos by Elaine A. Russell

We did not get an early start... but we got the car checked at Jiffy Lube and were on the road around 1pm.

Today has been an interesting day. My dad had surgery this am... and according to my mom; is having a very rough post-op. The surgery took much longer than anticipated.. and frankly; I am not sure what all they did. I know it was focused on his hip joint... which was so full of cancer, that the bone had essentially deteriorated and was ready to crumble. But that is really all I know at this point.

I did not know that when we set out on our journey today. We ran into interesting weather before we even got out of ABQ. When we hit Tramway Blvd & the base of the Sandias... a huge storm was gathering and the wind was building. By the time we got heading up the mountains... we had snow. Snow and lots of wind. We traveled in and out of this storm for quite awhile.... experiencing snow, hail, rain, massive winds... and about 3 miles of calm in the middle of the eye of the storm before we went thru it all again.

The scenery is just gorgeous though.. and for awhile... it was really nice out. Windy... extremely windy... but nice. Awhile later, we ran into massive dust storms that pushed all kinds of red dirt everywhere. It was like driving in fog.
Kristin drove the rest of the way to the edge of Texas --- when we stopped at San Jon, NM. San Jon is a small town... very small. We stopped at "A Taste of India" cafe/truck stop/mini store.... really, expecting it to not be that great. We had seen signs along the highway for authentic Indian food... and we decided to check it out. We were very pleasantly surprised. While the outside is heavily under construction... and makes the place look a bit "questionable"... the inside has a wonderful little cafe. The owners are first generation Americans who serve awesome authentic Indian food. They were very friendly, very nice... and dang was the food good. According to the last census, about 300 people lived in the San Jon area... but the owner said now it is down to about 7o homes. Apparently, there just isn't a whole lot to do in ole San Jon....

Bellies full and very, very happy... we headed out again. Finally, we made it to Amarillo.... and considering the weather and such; we decided to just stop for the night. An early night; we thought. Take a long bath... watch a movie... we thought....

We got a room at Motel 6; then decided to go get a burger for Sabrina's dinner as a special treat. However, once we got the food... we couldn't find a way to get back to our hotel. Lots of one way streets... overpasses.... etc. We ended up taking a back alley-way that we thought we take us in the direction of our hotel. We ended up on a dirt road behind all the hotels on that strip, which was great... except that it was very muddy. Kristin decided to turn around when things started looking bleak... and we got stuck in the mud. Not just stuck. Really, really stuck. We tried for about an hour ... pushing, yanking... swearing... then we tried 411 to get a tow. After the 4th try of not being able to reach a business that was open... Kristin went to the nearest hotel and asked for help.
Fortunately, we got a tow from a great guy... and a chuckle from the local cops who came to check it out as well, and even a laugh from a passerby on a bicycle. "Angel" (yes, that's his real name)... the tow truck guy....was able to get our car un-stuck... and even drove ahead of us to our hotel so that we would be able to get there in one piece. And now... having had a warm shower... and snacks we got at from the "Taste of India" store.... we are safe... warm.... and in for the night.

I wish I would have thought to have taken a photo of the car stuck in the mud.... but a SmartCar up to it's bellybutton in mud is not a pretty sight....


Link to the Taste of India: http://tasteofindiaamerican.com/

the day after

Wind farm in Oklahoma

vintage cans at Heartland Antique Mall in Lebanon, MO

amazing rainbow between Roulette and Coudersport, PA

Today I have been very tired. I slept quite well, and woke up around 11am to the sound of my brother mowing the lawn. Having lived in Albuquerque since 1995, we don't have grass in our yard.. and neither do most of our neighbors. So, at first, it was a foreign noise. I quickly figured it out.
My brother is an interesting person. He and I do not exactly get along very well.. but we are polite, and try not to annoy each other when we are in each other's presence. Sometimes this is easier said than done... but such is life. He rambled on about the local politics and bias in this small town... and as a parting comment (as he road on his bike down the street) was "did I say hello?" ...not waiting for a reply.
Visited a friend from years ago. She is almost 86, and is an amazing person. I want to be like her when I grow up. She is very smart, loves to read, garden, and travel. She is going on a woman's retreat this weekend. Today when I drove up, she was happily removing Japanese beetles from her asparagus ferns and drowning them in soapy water. We chatted about philosophy and life while sitting on her back porch listening to the hummingbirds fly by. She is in the middle of remodeling her bathroom with her grandson. He is doing alot of the carpentry and plumbing, and she is doing the rest.. saying... "I want to make it handicap friendly just in case I need it in the future." Somehow, I can't see this energetic, effervescent woman in a wheelchair.
Went to the local Chinese restaurant and ordered take-out for dinner. Everything was really good... except that I mistakenly got pork fried rice.. which my parents won't eat. OOPS.
Then my niece called, and I ended up helping her move furniture around her house. She is a divorced/single mom of 3 kids, 2 of whom are special needs. She is doing amazingly well with her kids, and I am so proud of her.

Went to Rite Aid (our town's version of Walgreen's), and was able to get my trip photos off of the camera and onto CDs. This way I can load my photos and work on getting all the spots from my crappy lens off of the pictures. Also got Sabrina some food.. and visited with my mom's neighbor who works there.

I am starting to run in to alot of people I know from when I was a kid....it's a small town after all. Should be an interesting visit.

more to come.........