13:365:2011

So much has happened in the last few months... that it is sometimes hard to fathom it all.

In the spirit of sharing... with the intent of perhaps helping someone else... I will be attempting to do some more "heavy" posts. Not all the time, mind you... as that too... would be overwhelming.

But... life is hard sometimes... and if there is some chance that there is a person out there who would potentially benefit from reading about my experiences... so be it.

To that end... I would like to share... that I had a fairly abusive childhood. There was lots of alcoholism, and violence, and more than a share of mental disorders in my family. I am not mentioning this out of pity... but to encourage people that things can be overcome. People do survive. Lives can be changed.

I was fortunate in that ... I married a wonderful man... who does not drink... who is not abusive in any way... and who; in fact.... is very loving and supportive of me. This could easily have not been the case. My first fiance was a fairly heavy drinker, and prone to a violent temper... and it was strictly thru grace that we did not marry.... although I was quite crushed at the time.
As it so happens... I am told that he is now quite happily married... and doing well... and I wish him the very best.

We... as it turns out... were definitely NOT to be... and that is a wonderful thing.

~~~~~

So... how does my photo... relate to the post for today?

Be "ram tough." Buck history if it doesn't fit you and what you want to do in life. Chew up and spit out anything that does not benefit you. And don't let others "get your goat" or take advantage of you. You deserve to be treated well... and with kindness... and compassion... and respect. And like the persevering goat... be joyful... be independent... be strong.

*photo by Elaine A. Russell

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Life itself can be so unpredictable. My mother has told me to wait on coming back to PA... my dad seems to be declining... but at a fairly steady, slow, pace. He is getting pain medicine almost hourly... and so far, it is helping.

She feels she will need me more later on...

My hubby came home late yesterday from his travels, and then did a 12hr work day today... he is exhausted.

My sleep schedule is completely whack... what with concern over family and such... and I seem to be in a very unproductive phase right now... scattered... restless... anxious.

I mention this only to highlight the fact that I was awake to see the sunrise this am... something that is a rarity for me. I was wandering about the yard... taking some photos of the sky and the light... when this glorious hummingbird came within about 2 feet of my face.

I had been standing near a yucca plant... contemplating life... death... illness... When this little hummer came to me and just stared at me... looking right into my eyes.... then hovered slightly in the sky... and took off.

I had my camera in hand... but was so startled at his appearance... that I only snapped 2 quick shots before he left (and one is a total wash). Tonight, upon looking up info on hummers as totem animals... I read that many cultures view the hummingbird as a symbol of resurrection --
"This is because each hummer becomes lifeless and seems to die on cold nights, but it comes back to life again when the miraculous sunrise brings warmth. "

How appropriate ... indeed.

*photos by Elaine A. Russell

~~~

To see more on Hummingbirds as totem animals...

Look HERE

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Well... you can't call a trip to PA complete without a "close encounter" with the bear. I'm not talking just any bear... but I think it is the same one that I have been meeting on my nightly walks for the past couple of years. He must live fairly nearby... as I almost always hear him near the back end of the Consistory, and I am told that he is frequently seen (or at least evidence of him is seen) in the neighborhood.

Last night we got back from the hospital around 10:30pm; and realized that we had forgotten to get in the 2 finch feeders just off the patio. I casually walked out and started to take the feeders down off the post... when I realized that I was being watched. I glanced... and there was THE bear about 7 feet away from me. He started sniffing and snorting the air... and I ever so slowly, backed away to the patio door and came inside... leaving the feeders outside.

Well... my mother; insisted that she had to have her feeders... and that she would go get them then. Realizing that this was indeed a futile effort; I made her stay inside and I went to get her feeders. I am not sure if she didn't believe me when I told her that the bear was right there... or if my life is worth about $30 or less in plastic feeders to her... but I wasn't about to let her go.

Fortunately.... the bear and I; having been acquainted before.... were on the same wavelength. I talked gently to him...."I'm only after these blanketedly-blank feeders... don't mind me...."

He sniffed the air; snorting loudly enough so that this time my mom heard him from the patio doorway (it was very dark... so she couldn't actually see him in the shadows of the tree).

The bear... decided that this was too much excitement for the night... and started to climb the tree. This is the massive Norway Spruce I talked about in this post: here

This time my mom was able to see the branches swaying and hear the crackling of limbs from his weight....
I got inside... no harm, no foul... heart racing... and joyful from my eye to eye contact with him.

He stayed in the tree; after being startled by a neighbor coming home late and setting off her car alarm accidently right after I came in.

I fixed him an apple; cored and filled with peanut butter....and threw it out in under the massive tree around 2am, and told him to come down when he felt safe... but that I wanted him gone by the am so that people wouldn't freak out; and too-- so that he would not be scared any more by the people... and that he probably shouldn't come this close to the houses anymore...it just wasn't safe for anyone. He snorted at me again... sniffing the air heavily, and waving the bows in silent agreement.... came down; grabbed his apple.... and went on back to the woods.

According to one source:
"Bears in general teach us to slow down and reserve our energies. Bear medicine also has to do with awakening from within. Bear teaches us that life's answers are no further than your own subconscious. There is no need to look outside of yourself when bear is nearby. Bears are also climbers and can teach us to reach new heights. Bears love honey and teach us to appreciate the sweetness life offers."

Link to info on American Black Bears: here
Link to info on Bears as totem animals: here