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I have learned an awful lot being away from home for the past 3 months. One of the interesting things I have learned is that my body can be a very fragile beast. I have always felt a little guilty for insisting over the years on buying as much organic and fresh foods that we can afford. I always felt a little guilty because in the back of my mind... I figured I was sorta being selfish in wanting "the best" foods... when I could probably do fine with something cheaper.

However. After living for 3 months on a diet of mostly canned/ frozen veggies... lots of carbs... very little meat... and more processed food that I care to admit -- I am sick. I have bruises all over me... a nasty skin rash... infections... joint pain and soreness in odd places... headaches... and I have gained alot of really flabby weight.

I can only assume that my diet has to be the culprit (that and stress).

When I was diagnosed with Lupus back in 1992; I saw a nutritionist who insisted I try a diet of fresh, organic food... no red meat, very little dairy... no sugar, no caffeine, etc. After 6 months I was in remission of the Lupus, and periodically over the years I go back on this diet when things get bad ... with good results.

When I had cancer back in 1997; I went on a strict macrobiotic diet. I also did meditation, massage, and acupuncture... and was very happily surprised that after 6 weeks I was able to go back to work... and after 6 months... I was in remission.

Watching my diet has always been a crucial factor with my health.

And so... today marks a fresh start.

A revamping of my diet... a cleaning out and re-organizing of the house...

and a re-grouping of my art business.

Course... first I have to get rid of this headache...

(*photo by Elaine A. Russell)

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...the phone started ringing at 9am. I am not a morning person... thank goodness my mom is.

We ran lots of errands today... and actually got quite a bit accomplished. Then we spent the afternoon visiting with my dad... who; according to my mom.... was the most alert he has been since I left 2 1/2 weeks ago. Not that he wasn't confused... or easily distracted... and fading in and out of conversations... BUT... he wasn't sleeping, and he even drank some fluids while we were there.

We left and had supper, and then we brought my brother and his son back with us to visit this evening. My nephew and his fiance also came... so it was sort of a small reunion of sorts.

My father was very affectionate with my mom today... lingering with his hugs... kissing. It was so good to see. I am so glad that he and my mother had such a good day when they celebrated their wedding anniversary a few weeks back ( it was their 58th anniversary).

Tomorrow, the son of a friend of mine is getting married. I am not sure if I will be able to go... but I was thinking of them today... and how it is a glorious time of year to get married. I wish them all the best.

And in a few weeks, I will be celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary with the best guy on the planet... and I love you honey

♥ ♥ ♥

photos by Elaine A. Russell

(from top to bottom: a mock cherry tree in afternoon light, wild white trillium flowers, and flowering pink dogwood)

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------> photo by Elaine A. Russell

...today has been a strange day...

... I can hardly move from my travels about on Saturday...

I was talking to my mother last night about how it was probably time for her to get full-time hospice help for the care of my dad. He is sleeping most of the time, but has very brief episodes of alertness. Most of the time he is confused; be it because of the medicine or because of his disease process... I am not sure. She was hesitating because she really wanted to keep dad home for as long as humanly possible, and she felt like she had to try to keep up with it all... but it has quickly become very overwhelming.

Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, my dad actually got up and tried to walk to the bathroom... but fell. Mom could not get him up, and dad did not have enough cognition at that point to help at all. She called the ambulance; and he is now in the hospital getting hospice care.

And so... I am having a dilemma... and I feel full of guilt. I feel like I should be there to help... but realistically, I fear that I haven't the money or the stamina to go again at this point.

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-----------------------------the Labyrinth at the Patterson Cancer Care Center

My back is not getting much better. I hate to admit it... but I don't think a trip to NYC is very feasible at this point... and I cried when I had to tell my daughter that we would not be going. I feel like I have let her down. I so desperately wanted to take her... it is something she would really like to do... and she has been such an amazing help and such a joy to be around... and I wanted to do something nice for her before we head home.

On the other hand... I am in no shape to be driving/ or riding ...and we should have left already if we were going to spend a day or two in NYC. Add to that the fact that last night my dad had some sort of weird episode that lasted until about 6am... and we were definately needed ... I feel like we can't leave just yet.

Today dad had his 2nd radiation appointment, and it seemed to go well. He is in significant pain... and his meds were adjusted again today to help with that. Coudersport is very fortunate to have the Patterson Cancer Care Center here. It is a huge blessing to so very many people here... and I can't imagine where my parents would be without it. For one, they would be forced to travel several hours to the next nearest cancer treatment facility... and I don't think that either of them would be able to do that.

Additionally... the staff there is amazing. They are extremely caring and knowledgable .... and go more than the extra effort to help people out. Today one of dad's doctors spent quite awhile chatting with my parents... making sure he was getting the care and the medications he needed... it is so very welcome and appreciated.

---->Link to online info on the Patterson Cancer Care Center: here

-----------------------all photos by Elaine A. Russell, taken at the Patterson Cancer Center in Coudersport, PA

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So ... February has been an interesting month.

I am applying for a photography grant... the deadline being in May. It is very exciting... and very intimidating at the same time. I have never applied for a grant before... so this is a first.
On the plus side... I was recently commissioned by a local group to take photos for them --- part of an on-going public relations kind of thing. This is extremely exciting, and I am so thrilled to be asked to participate... and today I worked on some photos for this project. Being as it is a potentially long-term project; it fits in nicely with my goals/ intentions for the grant. Funny how things work out like that.
And, provided I get the grant money... I will be able to replace at least some of the photography equipment I lost/sold last summer. That would be awesome.

I was "down" most of the month with my Lupus... which is frustrating... but not exactly critical. It had the bonus effect of forcing me to rest, re-group, reflect and re-organize a bit. I still have an awful lot I would like to do... and alot I am behind in doing... but at least I feel like I am moving in the right direction.

The book I was asked to participate in... and in which I have several photos being published...is almost ready to go to print. This is soooooooooo fabu. This will be my first publication in a book... but hopefully not my last.

I have been keeping steady with the FlickR 365 photo a day challenge, the 52 Weeks of Creations challenge, and the ECHO project bi-weekly photo challenges. It has been "challenging" some days... to say the least.... but I love photography, and these projects have been really encouraging me to stretch my creativity a bit.

But most on my mind these past few days have been family. My father was diagnosed with bone cancer... and recent reports from the doctors are not very promising at all. But I know my dad. I know that he is made of tougher fiber than most. In an essence, he said that he will "do whatever it takes"... in order to get better. He is strong, he has a great support system, and a profound faith.
My husband's sister was also in the hospital, very sick... with a staggeringly high blood pressure. She is home now... and hopefully well on the way to mending.
And I have seen 2 close family friends pass away this month.


Life is so short. Sometimes events make it feel even shorter and more precious. And that is good, I think. ... it keeps us from getting complacent... tired....weary... and numb of mind. For me, at least... it has encouraged me to keep life so much more sacred... to enjoy these moments... tough as they may be at times.

So. Here's to March. Let's see what March 2010 has in store....♥

(*photos by Elaine A. Russell)

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(photos by Elaine A. Russell)

I am at a loss for words. My dad was just diagnosed this week with bone cancer. It's hard for me to even type the words.

In his lifetime... he has had 2 heart attacks, 2 strokes, prostate cancer twice, skin cancer .. numerous places, he had a kidney removed because of cancer, and now this. Not to mention surgeries... broken bones and the like. And about a year ago... Diabetes.

On one hand. He is tough. Super tough. John Wayne tough.
On the other... how much does a person have to take?




My sister passed away a couple years ago from Stage 4 breast cancer with metastasis. She fought for 7 years... and was simply and unequivocally beautiful *inside and out* throughout her ordeal. I have had my episodes as well.... but I have probably not been as nice and cheerful as she was. But I digress.

If you look at the statistics for my hometown... they are astronomical in the amount of cancer per ca pita. My theory.... is that it is from an animal hide tannery that used to be in the area; and I think things just got into the land and water tables that shouldn't have... but it's just a theory.

Where am I going with this? Life is hard. Sometimes it's harder than at other times. Some people handle life's curves with grace ... some do not do as well. I know my dad will be able to handle whatever life throws at him. He always has...and I'm sure he will continue to not only do it with grace... but with style and courage... and be an inspiration to those around him.

But as a daughter.... I just wish I could fix it.