pain

103:365 & 104:365

------------------------------ photo of a "laying on of hands" blessing for my dad....


Somehow, I missed not only making a blog post... but I didn't even manage to get a post saved to do at a later date. Ah well.... And so... this will be a combined post of what happened on Tuesday and Wednesday....

It is a funny thing. Some days I feel are so incredibly busy that I hardly have a chance to even think about it... and yet.... when I look back on the day... I wonder what I actually got done. These 2 days are a prime example of that.

Dad is home from the hospital... and it has really been kind of a blur. Getting his medications straight... and financed through the pharmacy (one of his meds cost $9300 for a 28 day supply-- and yes, you read that right). Writing down pill schedules... compiling a list of phone numbers for easy reference... cleaning off bulletin boards, desk tops and such of unnecessary stuff. Even going thru what seems to be an endless stash of pens... most of which don't work.
I have been organizing mail/ bills/ important papers... things like that. It feels impressive... but sure doesn't look it.
And in between times... doing the day to day stuff.


-------------------------------------endless papers to go thru....


And trying to install a new shower head/ wand/ thingie for use while sitting in the shower... except that the only one in town *(and of course it was expensive)... doesn't seem to even work. And I've lost the receipt. And now I can't get it back off....and it's leaking...
ergh.

Stuff like that. Plus... I am essentially not worth spit now that I hurt my back. I can hardly move.
And then throw in the girl who came to the house (while I was supposed to be laying down and resting my back for a bit)...because she had cut her arms up (intentionally) and wanted me to drive her somewhere... and all the while being generally hysterical... it has just been "a day"... so to speak.


------------------------------------all photos by Elaine A. Russell


But then the blessings....nice weather... spring flowers... the birds that come to the backyard and are so very lovely.... my daughter being so sweet, and kind, and helpful... the fact that my parents are still around... and together... and enjoying the day as much as they are able....a friend who came just to say HI and massage my back...

...It certainly puts a more balanced perspective on things... and I need to keep that uppermost in my mind.

pain



photos by Elaine A. Russell

i have been having problems with some really bad pain for about 3 weeks now... and it is definately wearing me out. emotionally and otherwise. so....as I lay awake trying not to notice it, it got me thinking about all the aspects of pain.

pain is such a subjective thing.
what may be painful for some, is just an annoyance to others. some are so used to chronic pain that nothing phases them. others, every little thing is one more straw that breaks them in two. pain spans the compass from emotional to physical and back again. it is transcendent. it can take you to terrible places, and yet it can also help you to rise above and bask in an altered state. pain can make you feel like you are dying, and it can also make you feel alive.
pain is part of the body's defense system, triggering a reflex reaction to retract from a painful stimulus -- yes, it actually protects us while it is inflicting us at the same time.
pain knows no prejudice. it rains on everyone without distinction. it crosses all barriers, ethnicity, age, and social status.
many great people have commented on pain actually being a gift- to help them towards enlightenment... and yet, it is also seen as punishment.
pain is immeasurable. there is even a problem known as Phantom pain.... pain from a limb that is no longer even there.
there is even Psychogenic pain, pain that is profoundly exacerbated by mental illness.
there is pain that is even preferred by some.. sought out purposefully... to bring pleasure.
pain is individual, and it can be pandemic.
here is a great link on the subject:

pain in the ART?!


photos by Elaine A. Russell



Pain is an unusual thing, because it's all relative. You could have a screaming headache.. then bump your foot... and all you feel is the foot pain. It's an over-stimulation of the nervous system. Too much information so to speak...

For the past week or so I have had some pretty impressive pain associated with my neck and shoulder. I don't know what I did to start this process... but it must have been a doozy.

I have been seeing an acupuncturist, and for the most part, I know things are getting better. Slow.... but better. This past night though... all I want to do is scream. It just hurts. And it has hurt for too long. And so I try to occupy my mind with other things. I have cleaned the house, watered plants, got caught up on the laundry and the dishes, listed some stuff for sale on-line.. etc. I even made banana bread.

The only thing that has really kept my mind off of the pain is playing with my photos from the other day. So .... here are some more.