Sometimes it's hard to know where to turn, and still be true to yourself.
I was reminded today of this gorgeous carousel, that I had taken a photo of at the New Mexico State Fair several years ago. There are days when you feel like you are going 'round and 'round... and seemingly going nowhere. This is one of those days.
I was talking with a (new) friend when I was down in Ridgway this past weekend. The subject was being self employed... and being an artist... and how it's hard to have people understand that you are indeed working... even though you are home. There are times, when it would probably be much less work; and a more consistent income... if I simply got a regular job at a grocery store or fast food chain. But I think that I would surely die. Especially with having a chronic illness; I would be putting all my energy (as the Lupus allows) into working a "normal" job... and would have absolutely nothing left to give to my art. Which means... I wouldn't be doing any... which means my soul would wither up... and that would be the end of me. So... do you "suck it up" and get a real job.... and hope that things will be ok ... or that it will be temporary... and then you can go back to art? or do you stick it out and make the best dang art you can; and hope that things pan out there so that you can do what you love... and still make an income? I think you know the answer.
Most of you know that I was a registered nurse, and that I absolutely loved my work as a nurse. But truth be told; I was sick a lot of the time; because I was putting my all into my job. I had to "retire" early, under my doctor's advice... . because it was just too much. I can't imagine that holding down any "regular" job would be any less taxing... and I would simply be repeating history. Gods know, I don't want to let anyone down. But there comes a point when if you can't take care of yourself adequately; you can do nothing to help someone else... much as you would like.
So... for all of you in similar circumstances.... I would say (at least at the moment, while I am feeling the conviction of my thoughts)... hang in there. Do what you love. People who appreciate your work and the talent and dedication that go into it... WILL find you. Keep creating...
...see you all tomorrow...