for the weekend

One of the blessings (and curses) of life... is that you never know what is going to happen next.
There are just too many variables.
(I know, I've been married to a math/science geek for far too long >>wink<<)

You are walking down a familiar path... and the next thing you know... there is a fork in the road.
A choice must be made.

The old adage "you know when you know"... seems to taunt you.
How do you know?
Sometimes you just have to make a decision, to just do... anything.
And the only way to know what to do and that it's right for you? ... well, there is no true answer; except to trust.
Don't worry. Try not to feel anxious. Try not to second-guess.
Breathe.
Go beyond the worry and the hesitation.
Don't over-think.... or feel like you have to control every possible outcome.
It's impossible.

I once was reading the biography of the psychic Sylvia Brown; and was fascinated that she was saying that she was psychic about so many things; in and around the lives of others.... but never for herself. And isn't that true? Sometimes you can see so clearly other people's situations... but never your own. Sometimes, you simply have to "trust your gut"... your inner voice... and leap out in faith...

What impossible choices are you having to make this week?

"Our lives are different from anybody else's. That's the exciting thing.
Nobody in the Universe can do what we're doing." 
--Dr. Who, the 2nd Doctor, Tomb of the Cybermen

And so I leave you for the weekend, with some links I've gathered...
and I'll see you all back here on Monday.

*some wonderful book quotes
*TinyBuddha ... an inspirational website
*some anticipated books for the coming year
*Dewey Fladd; photographer
*"big words can come in small packages"
*he just loves to drum
*some visual yumminess
*history is often more interesting than fiction
*yep, it's cold out there
*an awesome post by one of my favorite bloggers
*another great blog I just found
*neat to look at

1-16-15

snow is falling...
huge, fluffy flakes swirling and twirling just outside my window.
it's stunning, really.
It's as if they are doing some sort of cosmic ballet.... just for our pleasure... should we take the chance to look.... and dream.

Life is like that alot.
We are so busy rushing about... doing things we feel we have to do...
making sure the bills are paid, the folks are fed... the doors are closed.... the dishes done.
It's an endless cycle most times... until something shakes us.
Rocks us to our core.
Makes us stop and wonder.

.hello. world.

1-15-15

I've always been a worrier.
I think a lot of it has to do with growing up in situations where I felt I had very little control over my day to day existence. I worried if I said the wrong thing. I worried if I said the right thing.... but at the wrong time, or to the wrong person. I worried about offending people. About not doing enough. About being misunderstood. And then there were the worries about shear survival at times.
It was, as they say... a full plate.

As an adult... these worries continued.
Would I make a mistake? Would I (inadvertently) hurt someone?.. as a nurse, there is always the fear that the one time you do make a mistake; it could be a very costly one to someone's health or well-being. And of course, being a mom ... you worry about all sorts of things. Did I reprimand them too much? not enough? Did I teach them well? Did I set for them a good example...  the list goes on.

Moving back to PA has been good in many ways; but it has also had the effect of bringing back some of those old insecurities. It's hard to step out of old patterns... especially ones so ingrained.

One of my biggest fears in making some decisions lately... completely revolved around what other people would think. And the cycle started spinning out of control.
I finally, got a verbal "slap" today from my daughter and a friend... which essentially boiled down to... "who cares?" ... of course, my first response was, of course I care what everyone thinks! 
But then I had to step back, and realize that they were right.
In the end, the decisions I make involve only myself (and my immediate family--- those poor souls who actually live with me). I needed to take into consideration... my own feelings.... perhaps for the first time in a long while. What was it that I really wanted to do? What felt right? What was in my personal best interests?
I felt incredibly selfish. ... and so I kept reading...

Here are some interesting links that I found on the subject:
*reasons why being selfish is good for you
*the importance of being selfish
*an article on Huffington Post

eh... it's a work in progress... and frankly; I'm still worried.
We'll get there.

1-14-15

Inception .... coming from the Latin word incipere... meaning "to begin, to take in hand."

I was looking up alternative words for beginnings... as lately I've felt a pulling to begin anew.
To start fresh.... to have a clean slate... to take a leap of faith.
I think it is human nature to occasionally want a "cosmic do-over"...

Many of you know that I took counseling for many years for post traumatic stress.
Therapy is an interesting thing. Expensive, soul-wrenching, exposing the deepest hurts and feelings-
that given any other circumstance; you would most likely not share with anyone... or at least very few.... it's hard.
And it's hard to trust. It's harder still to have faith that it will be OK.

Being human is a fallible, messy business.
None of us are perfect.
Something, I at least, tend to forget.
It's easy to do the comparison game... and I think it's almost built in to us... that constant comparing and coming up short.
or, as I read once, it's time to start giving ourselves some non-judgmental messages.
Accept ourselves as we are.... warts and all. No, we are not perfect.
Stop thinking you need "fixed"... that you are somehow lacking.
Give yourself some self-love.
Work on what you can.
Forgive.
Move on.
It's ok to start again...

1-13-15

Snowing... and a reprieve...
a small respite in the chaos.
Time to unwind... think.... breathe deeply...
and watch snowflakes quietly fall.
Take a moment... right now; and breathe.
It'll all be OK.

--- and in other "news"... I made some earrings.
This is what has been happening in my studio this week.
A couple random moments of looking around and seeing what I had...
and then fashioning them into something simple... but sweet... and maybe even a bit rich looking.
I hope you like them.

1-12-15

Welcome, Monday...

It was a rough weekend... but things are beginning to settle a bit...
and appropriately enough, there are these huge fluffy snowflakes falling down
---cleansing us all.

The other day when I went to get some groceries... I saw these gorgeous little bottles with hyacinth bulbs in them for sale... and knew I had to get one.
I love it.

With all the chaos going on lately... it's so easy to get discouraged and give up.
But like the hyacinth in this glass bottle...
I need to remember that my roots go deep.
That the water/ earth will sustain me.
That given a little sunshine (hope and respect -- from myself and other)... I will grow and become all I am able to be.

After all, in the whole scheme of things... I am just beginning.
Who knows what I will become :)

for the weekend

Just a week or so ago; I took a long walk in the woods. (and took this photo).
I was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed and more than a little "out of sorts"...
Things have been chaotic; to say the least.

What do you do when things go horribly wrong; and it's not even of your own doing?
What do you do when you've worked incredibly hard on something; and it just never seems to be enough? What do you say when people you care about; obviously don't even know you at all?

I've had at least 3 separate; yet potentially devastating situations arise this week... and all pretty much out of the realms of my control.
It's been sort of soul-crushing.
And so... I cleaned... which seems to be my fall-back response when things go horribly wrong and I am in a muddle about what to do.

• I cleaned a ton of things off my computer.
• I went through (there's not that many) the clothing I have; including accessories like scarves, footwear and such.
• I went through all my belongings in the house (not the studio stuff... or stuff in the basement)...but everything else.
• I cleaned out the freezer, the fridge, the cupboards... and made food with all the 'extras'.
• I dusted and vacuumed.
• I organized my yarn basket, my jewelry box, the bathroom cabinet, the big box of dvds that doesn't have a home yet...
• I finished up all but 1 project that I am behind on for someone... and delivered the things I finished.
• I took a bunch of things to charity.
• I smudged.

And after yesterday's bits of chaos adding to the emotional pile... I may do it again.

But hey...it's the weekend... and I usually include some links... so here it goes:

*18 of the "best movies you've never seen"
* a neat DIY idea site
*a couple interesting blogs from my list of blogs I read... Hannah Marcotti and Kind Over Matter.
*interesting ideas/ summaries on what to do if you question charges on your credit card. Here and here.
*another blog by a Facebook friend of mine..... just tons of lovely photographs she collects from all over the internet.
*a great site on canning.
*how to be  peacemaker
*a list of great books to read before they hit the big screen this year


"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
--author unknown.

1-9-15

.troubles.
Sometimes, through no fault of your own.... you get caught up in a hailstorm of troubles.
You work hard, are honest in all you do, and do things to the best of your abilities...
and sometimes you still end up looking around and finding yourself standing on a bridge that's on fire.
It happens.
Life is not always fair.

These past few days I've had visits from the crows.
I think most people view crows as nuisance animals; but according to native theology... they are so much more. Crows are found in most all parts of the world, and have long been thought to be physical representations of magic on this earthly plane. They are thought to help provide you with great insight and perspective... as their nests traditionally are made in very tall trees... giving them a "grand over-view" of what is going on. There is much wisdom to be gained from watching crows.

You can read more about crows as a totem animal and it's symbolism:
-from the Spirit Animal website
-crow medicine
-symbolism and meanings
-as a power animal/ totem

1-8-15

Sometimes it is the "little things" that make all the difference.

Kindness. I thoughtful word. A compassionate gesture.

It can mean all the world to someone.

Just my simple thought for the day...

"We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity.

More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness"

--Charlie Chaplin

1-7-14

When I was a kid (and now for that matter)... we never had great furniture.
Now, it was not bad stuff... it was actually pretty average furniture I suppose.
Nothing fancy, nothing special. Most of it; if it was "new" was from Sears.
Second hand (or third or fourth hand) items were everywhere... but they were in solid shape.
Things were generally "made nice" with the addition of a handmade afghan (made by my mother) or a doily (made by my grandmother.... and it was fine.

So when my dad passed away in 2010... I asked my mother if I could have his old desk.
It is nothing special... just a wood desk from the late 30s or early 40s that has definitely seen better days... but it was my dad's... and I love it because it was his.
When we moved back to PA a year ago, I fully intended to get it... but it just kept getting put on the back-burner. Too many other things seemed to take precedence... work to do, running here... running there... volunteer work... the list goes on.

I always have a hard time around the holidays... and this year was no exception.
But this weekend; it occurred to me that there was really no reason not to bring it up to the house.
So... space was cleared in the kitchen... and the husband and the daughter went down and got it for me while I was busy at work.
The truly fun part however, was discovering all the things INSIDE the drawers that (for whatever reason) had never been cleaned out...
Cards from when he had back surgery in the mid 70s. Every American Legion membership card he ever had. A certificate my sister received back in High school for having perfect grades. An ashtray my brother made in cub scouts. A drawing I did ... with a POEM!!! ... when I was in 1st grade. My early childhood dog Scamper's pet ID tag (made me cry). Books from a correspondence school he had thought about attending; but never did. Pipe cleaners (he always smoked a pipe when I a kid). A flag from the funeral of a family member who died during WWII.
Precious things... all.

And in the way back... among some odd papers... was a strip of 3 photos.
Apparently, my dad had his photo taken by the local newspaper photographer back in 1976 ... showing the buck my dad had gotten during hunting season. That was the year I went with him... having just passed my "hunter's safety" class so I could go... carrying my trusty 22 bolt-action shotgun and trudging through the snow alongside him. I won't go into detail about how he had me "gut" the deer... or how I helped carry the buck down to the car. But I do remember how happy he was... and how happy I was that I had gone along. Attached to the photos was a little postcard detailing how my dad could get a nice 8x10 glossy of the shot for only $2... which he apparently never did.

I had never seen this photo. Never even knew it existed.
But there he was... my dad... staring back at me at a time when I was feeling ever so discouraged about ... well... everything.
And it was good.

1-6-15

Sometimes it's hard to stay motivated.
You work. You work hard.
Life is not always fair.
I get it.
... so what can you do?

*keep your spirits high
*keep track of your progress
*reward  yourself when you reach a goal
*give yourself a break... don't be too hard on yourself
*read/ watch things that are  motivating to you
*eliminate distractions
*organize the task/ goal into little sections to make it easier
*try to make it fun
*find a good role model
*know that sometimes... it takes longer than you would like... but if it's worth pursuing; it's worth the wait.

I know. It's hard. Really hard.
Some days are worse than others...

So here are some links I found that may be of help:
-from Huffington Post
-from Forbes
-from the folks at LifeHack
-from BeautifulMess... part one... and part two

...and a "hint" that I learned over the years... surround yourself with people who really support you.
Who understand you.
Who are your "in house" cheerleaders.
You don't need negativity... you can do that all on  your own... in your own head.
Keep people around you who have your back.
It can mean all the difference in the world.

1-5-15

I woke to a dusting of white...
frost on the window panes
white sheets of snow dancing
as they wave hither and yon across the way
over the dried goldenrod and milk weed pods
past the den doors to critters tucked in for winter
following the deer tracks and scuttle marks of squirrels
to the sweet sounds of water
burbling up from the frozen ground
tinged blue with ice
waiting for spring

for the weekend

It's the first weekend of the new year!... and I couldn't be more excited to share some links with you.

First... I am going through my (massive) lists of blogs that I read. Well... I should clarify, I suppose... because it's more like I've been collecting the links to what looks like cool blogs... but I haven't been really very good at reading them. So... I am going through the list. Here are some of the keepers that I have looked at this week:
*Every Life Has a Story
*daily dose of imagery
*collage artist Kerstin Stephan
*a Beautiful Mess
*a walk to the garden

and then there are some interesting links I wanted to share:
*my friend Michelle's astrological forecast
*did you know there was an "herb of the year?" ... I didn't.
*8 ancient beliefs now backed by science
*rituals for love and prosperity

and then these.... just because they are awesome:
*mushrooms
*images of the brain
* and this. It's been posted around the internet lot; and I may have even posted this before --- but it could stand being seen again.

Hope you all have a great weekend... and I'll see you back here on Monday.

1-2-15

There's a tree in the woods near my house (above) ... and to me, it looks like a giant tuning fork.
"Invented in 1711 by musician John Shore; a tuning fork is an acoustic resonator in the form of a two-pronged fork with tines formed in a U-shaped bar of elastic metal (usually steel). It resonates at a specific constant pitch when set vibrating by striking it against a surface or with an object, and emits a pure musical tone after waiting a moment to allow some high overtones to die out."-- wiki.

I know very little about the metaphysical aspects of using tuning forks... although there are those who believe that you can "reset" your chakras by using a set of tuning forks that are specifically tuned to a certain tone or vibration level... in order to bring oneself back into balance. You can read more here.

The point being (or at least for me)... is that there are times when we all need a sort of "reset" button to our lives. For a lot of folks... it is the onset of the New Year. Resolutions are made; promises to ourselves or others... with the intention of getting back to the things we love, our best health, prosperity and success... these, indeed... are the stuff of dreams and grand intentions.
For me at least... it can be so much simpler.
Take a walk in the woods.
Read some poetry.
Make something.
Listen to some inspiring music.
Meditate.
Think positive.
Make and enjoy a cup of tea.

The choices are all there... what will you choose to help you reset today?

1-1-15

"everybody's got to learn sometime..." music by Beck.

The past few days have been oddly blurred... culminating in an extremely weird day yesterday; and a movie marathon that has me introspective.

I was pushing hard these past few days to get all unfinished projects done... mostly things I had offered to do for folks that ended up on the back burner. And I've gotten most everything done... which is awesome. I also had some conversations with family and friends... most of which were quite unexpected... and revealing in many ways.
And in the midst of all that... was the rush of the holidays... which brought a melancholy and deep sadness;
and then the realization that I had essentially made similar choices to a series of events I lived through in the 70s...
It's been sort of a rather uncomfortable deja vu.

And then, the realization that in many ways... the person I have betrayed the most.... is me.
I won't go into details... it's sort of boring and sordid all at the same time... but suffice it to say;
that my movie marathon last night rather clarified things for me a bit.

So... what was on tap?
First, I watched Maleficent. Wow. Visually stunning... and an epic re-telling of a familiar tale with a rather interesting twist.
And yes, I believe in this case, the movie-maker powers that be got it right.
Explaining that true love, was in fact... forgiving oneself, and those who potentially have hurt you the most...
and releasing and letting it go... in order to save everything.

From there.... it was Exit through the Gift Shop. I've actually seen this before, but it was several years ago... and I had actually forgotten some key moments. What I took away from it last night, however...
is that sometimes the world is a fickle and strange bedfellow. It doesn't always make sense.
And yet, if you are truly passionate about something... it makes the crazy merry-go-round worth it all.

And thirdly, yet... no less important... was the final movie I watched: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I've seen bits and pieces of this movie before... and yet, never truly "got" the whole picture... or perhaps, I just wasn't ready to get the message.
It's a pretty amazing movie.
My take-away? That yes, we all make mistakes... some are bigger than others... but what's important is that we keep trying. And that perhaps... the bravest of all... is when we try... knowing we may just keep repeating the same mistakes... and having the same failures... but still do it... for that one shining moment.

"How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot? The world forgetting by the world forgot. 
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Each pray'r accepted and each wish resign'd." 

And so... dear ones... I leave you with this thought...
What is your one shining moment? That one thing that you must do?
That one love worth fighting for? That one desire that makes your heart sing and your soul dance?

12-31-14

...it's hard for me to believe that this is the last day of 2014.
But, here it is.

There have been some really stellar moments; and some not so good ones.... but overall,
I think it's been a good year... and I am really looking forward to the next.
Today I am having lunch with a friend, and then this afternoon... I am having an Open Studio of sorts; as I have a couple friends who intend on stopping to get some items, and I've family coming from out of town to see the space and see what I've been making.
I think it ends the year on a solid note that the focus will be on making and sharing my art...

There will be a few changes on the blog this coming year...
-I will be having a weekly post on what I am making in the studio on Wednesdays
-I will have a more posts on poetry and the arts... as well as gardening, natural living, and recycling/upcycling.
-I will be keeping the weekend post of various links that I've found and want to share... but will also be including more links and such in my every day posts, because knowledge and sharing information helps us all.

So... just a short post today.
But I wish you all a safe and Happy New Year's Eve... and I'll see you all in the New Year.

12-30-14

I am excited about this coming new year.
Yes, there are definitely some endings to deal with... and some doors I need to close...
but all in all... I am trying to stay positive.

I know so very many folks who don't handle/enjoy the holidays... and I understand it.
Hopefully, things will continue to improve for us all as the days roll by.
In the meantime, hang in there... and know that you are not alone.

A week or so ago, I was in a conversation with a lady who was dealing with serious illness;
and she mentioned that she longed for some real pearl jewelry... as it held great meaning for her.
So off I went... into the studio... and came up with this:

The pendant is fashioned from 12 gauge (thick) sterling silver half round wire; and is embellished with 20 gauge sterling wire wrapped freshwater pearls from Hawaii. The earrings are that same 20 gauge wire, with melted ball ends and more of those luscious pearls.
According to most sites; pearls symbolize freedom, purity and innocence... and some believe the pearl was formed from tears from the heavens... or even from the moon. In any case, they are certainly pretty. She received them in the mail the other day... and sent me a note and a gift of thanks in return... which is VERY nice.
I have always felt that sometimes it's just good to be nice, and know that it's appreciated... and am thrilled that she liked the set.

And... I am ecstatic to be able to work in the studio again.
Won't you join me this coming year? I hope to post once a week on things I am making,
and would love to have you follow along.

12-29-14

Sometimes... it's a fine balance...
....everything.
These past few days I have taken a walk in the woods near my house... and it's been wonderful.

I think in today's technology driven world... it is essential to sometimes take a break.
Go where it's quiet.
breathe
rest
recoup

(here's an interesting article I stumbled upon today)

for the weekend

Today we had all intended to go out of town on a day trip... but somehow I've hurt my back again.
So... instead, it will be a quiet day here at the house; with lots of coffee, music and maybe some reading or watching of movies.

We had a visit during the night from our friend "Cassie"... the bear that allowed me to take her photo this summer. I can only assume that the warmer weather has confused her; and she has not gone to bed for the winter yet. The bear as a spirit totem animal is a very powerful thing... and her presence reminded me to read more about it (here).

Yesterday I went for a long walk in the woods... it was glorious.
It also reminded me of some promises that I made myself upon moving here about a year ago...
-to make more art and concentrate on being the artist I can be
-to get our finances/household in order
-to get rid of more stuff

To this end; I have mostly stayed true and on task.
=I've unloaded a lot of things... gotten some things in order (it's been a very hard year financially)
=I did a "give-away" for the holidays... and passed on almost 40 new/ like new... or handmade items for people to gift (to themselves or others). It was a huge success; and inspired several others to give away items and to help out the needy in our area... which is always a great thing.
=I've made quite a bit of art (not as much as I'd like). But we have gotten the studio is a much better state... and I am anxious to get working in there more.
=I've been very active in the art community here... helping to start and run (daily) a thriving artisan center, and was juried in to a couple outstanding art groups... the PA Wilds and the Route6 Artisan Trail (and was voted as a TOP 6 Artisan for our region). And I've stepped out of my comfort zone on several things... including submitting work to a magazine I admire. And even though that didn't pan out... it was/is important to try.

Tomorrow is the last day I will be posting a photo on my other blog: Light through the Leaves.
It has been tons of fun to post daily photos (since October of 2013)... but it's been over a year now; and it's time to move on to other things. Instead; I will be concentrating on revamping this blog... with themes for some of the days of the week... and a post for the weekend that includes lots of interesting links. I will be featuring more art! ... things I find ... things I've seen... and things I am making. I intend to feature more DIY type things... garden and household ideas... as well as poetry and writings (by myself and others)... and more. I have scads of ideas for the coming year; and I can't wait to share them all with you.

And so another year is coming to an end...
I am very grateful for your company along the way... and look forward to sharing another new year with you...
I hope you have a great weekend; and I'll see you all on Monday.

12-26-14

... more photos from my visit to my "childhood" church; The First United Presbyterian Church here in Coudersport...
and wishing you all a safe and happy holiday season.
I hope you all had a great week... and I'll see you all tomorrow for my weekend post.