This has been the worst day I have had in a very long time.
Guilt,frustration, anger, sadness... all rolled into one big, messy ball. And at the end of the day.... my dad is spending his first night at a nursing home in Palliative Care. Words cannot describe how awful I feel about it.
Our alternatives were few.
We weighed all the choices, and went down the list of options ( it was a short list).
I have worked very hard to be a good advocate for my parents... and I feel like a failure.
I find it astounding... that my father has worked full-time his entire life (and sometimes more than one job at a time)... retiring from one job; and working several more years at another job... retiring at the age of 75.... paid all those years on insurance policies.... and now he is only able to get 50 days or so of care through private insurance/ Medicare/ Medicaid... and only because of a wound that he has. When that wound heals... we will either have to pay out of pocket for his care... or bring him home.
We have been overwhelmed with money situations above and beyond our control. ... and were basically told to either sell the house... and/or cash in all the insurance my parents have paid on for the past several decades (at a cash value/ significantly less than true value... which means no insurance payout when one of them dies) ...to pay for his care when that time comes.
Which if we do that, will leave my mother broke and homeless in short time.
He is confused, unable to do any care for himself, unable to even move in bed....let alone stand, or sit, or function. He is in severe pain without frequent doses of medication. My mother is sickly and frail herself... and is completely unable to take care of him on her own... and yet, that is what would be expected. Any in-home help would also come "out of pocket."
I do not understand our health care/ insurance system at all.
And I am furious at the "powers that be" that have led us to the state of affairs that I find my parents in. My father worked his entire life, never had any savings to speak of... never went on any grand and glorious, extravagant trips... never bought anything other than what was needed at the time. They lived a life of humbleness and frugality. They ate healthy, stopped smoking (years ago), stopped drinking(years ago), walked every day... did everything right. It seems totally unfair. I know, realistically, life is not fair... but days like this really, really make me mad.
It seems so much an insult to injury... when a loved one is sick and dying...to be faced with financial decisions such as these that could leave the surviving spouse in a position where they are grieving, despondent... and then too.... would not be able to financially support themselves... or even have a place to call home. I always thought that that was what insurance was for... to protect people and their savings and such when tragedy struck. Perhaps I was too naive.